Rejection

So another idea for the summer is to take a/some studio art class/es at Baylor. I don't actually need anymore, but it would be fun. And I actually know a lot of people staying in Waco for the first half of the summer. I don't know. We'll see.

It's easy to just give up on yourself. To taste rejection a few times, and then just throw in the towel. Freshmen year here I rushed and that didn't turn out like I planned. A couple weeks later I tried out for a choir and was turned down (I don't know what I was thinking. I do not have a choir voice and I can't read music). At that point I thought to myself, "Well, maybe this is a sign. Nothing is sticking here, so maybe I'm just not supposed to be at Baylor." But my friends were sticking, UBC was sticking, I didn't really want to go anywhere else, and I just banished the thought from my mind.
Last semester I spent my time stretching my wings and pushing my boundaries and taking adventures and I left Italy feeling like I could do anything. This semester I'm feeling significantly less invincible and realizing not everyone wants me. I talked to Tinsley about it this morning. She applied for a position in an organization she's apart of that she didn't get and, while putting on mascara, we pondered the tendency we, as people, have of tasting a hint of rejection and from that deciding that we will always fail and should just give up. But we don't think that about other people. I know that she's not a failure and she knows that I'm not a failure, so really we're just being illogical about ourselves.

That goes for you too. You're not a failure.

Ok, I'm at the SUB right now and there are ants crawling all around my computer so I think I will leave soon. It's freaking me out. And this post is long enough. I also understand the tendency in people to mentally check out when they see a really long blog post, because I do that myself.

So I'll check out now instead.

 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

It really is hard to be objective about one's own failures. It's much easier to be really upset about something that went wrong than it is to be really happy about something that went right. For me, anyway. If something goes right, it just feels like everything is normal because you feel fine. But when things go awry, it's much more noticeable and harder to ignore.

Anyway. I basically just repeated what you just said. But now you know that I agree with you.

And I think you are FAR from being a failure. Very far.

Nancy said...

This was a great statement you made: ". . .we're just being illogical about ourselves." And that is so right!!!!

You, and the word 'failure' just do NOT go together, that's for sure.
FOR SURE.

caroline said...

It really is true. I mean, I know I don't know you nearly as well as those above, however I still think that you are awesome, and the things you've accomplished in your life so far are inspiring!